Thank you to Roxanne for sharing photos of her baby, Eden, in the sac at 5 weeks. Edwin was born at approximately 9 weeks, 3 days gestation after multiple scans showing slight gestational sac growth but none otherwise. There is one detailed photo in which Eden is clearly visible in the sac (I added notations to help) even at such a young age and after so many weeks of waiting.
May Eden’s memory be eternal!
Heavenly was generous enough to share photographs of her twins Arrow (11 weeks) and Cedar (5 weeks) after they were born following expectant management for a missed miscarriage. Heavenly had felt she was pregnant with twins but only saw one baby at a 9 weeks ultrasound. When she miscarried she saw the tiny twin still in the gestational sac. You can see photographs of Cedar and Arrow on the Photographs page under the 5 and 11 weeks headings. Thank you, Heavenly, and may God comfort you in your grief.
May their memory be eternal!
It hurts. I felt exactly the same way after we lost Andrew, our second loss in 8 months, and with no explanation.
Every early afternoon, I would walk over to her grave, lay down across it, and listen to Marillion’s Afraid of Sunlight. Sometime in the hour or so visit, I would just raise my fist to the sky and scream at God. “You gave me one job, God, to be a father to this little girl, and you took it all away.” In my fury, I called Him the greatest murderer in history, a bastard, an abortionist, and other horrible things. I never doubted His existence, but I very much questioned His love for us.
Read the whole article here.
It does get better. I can’t logically convince anyone of that, but it does. God is merciful to have taken all of my rage and flailing about and love me anyway. I know all of this now, but reading the essay I look back and viscerally remember the pain. Lord have mercy.